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How to say no

The title could be an open question to anyone out there or would surmise some insight into a lifetime of experiences which have been mostly regrets and failures. As with any of my writeups , these words have been simmering in my mind for a long time. The word 'no' for me , I would have to say, has been burned into my memory thanks to my father. The innumerable times he has used the word in those one-word responses to my requests for toys, snacks, junk food, or for that one more hour of watching TV, had me believe that he was capable of only speaking that word. In fact the blue moon event of him saying yes left me confused and looking for where the catch was, to him agreeing to my 'humble' requests. For sure there were some house chores or some impossible requirement or scoring a particular grade down the road.

I was so used to him saying no that I began to use it as a buffer, for my childishness and curiosity. Maybe my dad thought that as long as he was…
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Untitled

Dictionary.com defines love as "a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection". I believe that love is a part of each and every one and thing. If it is a part , so comes the ability to give, take and share based on a personal set of rules that is a result of instincts, experiences and influences by the environment.

It is said to be the secret ingredient to mom's food, that feeling of butterflies in the stomach and many other euphemisms to explain the so-called unexplainable. But, in the end it is as defined, a feeling. Some science papers explain our feelings to be a result of certain chemical reactions in our brains. I brought up this idea to a guy who had just become a father, and was explaining his feeling to me when his child held his finger for the first time. I can never forget the murderous look on his face :). I barely escaped i guess. So is there something more that we must believe because we cant see or explain.

These chemical reactions also happen …

Excerpt from "Life of David Gale (2003)"

Fantasies have to be unrealistic...



because the moment... the second...
that you get what you seek...



you don't...
you can't want it anymore.



In order to continue to exist...



desire must have its objects
perpetually absent.



It's not the "it" that you want.
It's the fantasy of"it."





This is what Pascal means when he says
that we are only truly happy...



when daydreaming
about future happiness.




- Or why we say...



the hunt is sweeter
than the kill.



Or be careful what you wish for,
not because you'll get it...



but because you're doomed
not to want it once you do.



So the lesson of Lacan is,
living by your wants
will never make you happy.



What it means to be fully human is
to strive to live by ideas and ideals...



and not to measure your life
by what you've attained
in terms of your desires...



but those small moments
of integrity, compassion...



rationality, even self-sacrifice.



Because in the end, the only way
that we can measure the
significance…

Broken

I have lost something which I had held very close to me. The foundations I have built have been shaken and now I see no hope of revival except to start over from scratch.

I have lost my sense of reasoning. I am struggling to find a platform on which to base my decisions and thoughts. My mistake was to reason with my beliefs. My mistake was to find a justification to certain things that I've seen or heard based on my belief system.

I have spent a good amount of time reasoning with what I've experienced so far. I have tried different experiments to change my lifestyle, to discover how it would affect my interactions with people around me. I was absolutely convinced that if I believed in something , it was because it was true, and it was real. I was being an absolute stubborn fool. I thought to myself that if I did anything with a certain conviction, it would help me see people and their behaviour in a new light. All it did was make me look eccentric and a bit mad.

Fortunately …

God is an idea

When has something troubled you so much, you lose track of almost everything? Like as if you were going through every day much like a robot or a zombie, where there is no self-control on your actions. Your responses to stimuli are either non-lifelike or too emotional, in a vague sense of the word.

Philosophy is not something easily digested or understood. That is because of it's abstract nature, that sounds more like a politician's speech. Neither here nor there. That is its true nature, and hence cannot conform to scientific thought.Our current rules of science are so rigid that we lose sight of it's original intention, and are bent on trying to explain what we see and observe, using those rules. No matter how hard we try, we will ultimately fail.

The same idea can be applied to social aspects as well, and to more sensitive topics like religion and belief.

If we look deeper into religion and its books from where we learn about it, a huge part of them go into explaining thou…

De-concentration

Why is there a compulsion to write? Why the need to put down thoughts in some retrievable form? Why the difficulty to recollect some thoughts which made sense only a few days ago?

These are the questions I ask myself when I re-opened my blog editor today. Thinking out loud, literally, I believe this stems from the fact, that I have been letting myself or my mind to free-roam. I might be doing a perfectly normal or mundane task, but on a different tangent of thought with no relation to the task at hand.

Problem with concentration? Well, maybe.

But I have got so used to this method of operation, that when I actually sit down to apply my mind on some task, I find it exruciatingly difficult.

For example, I was given a task of solving a technical problem a few weeks ago. And I sat down to get it out of the way. But no matter how long I tried and how hard I looked for the answer, I couldn't pinpoint the fault. After a long day of trying out all possibilities, I had almost given up. I le…